Woodstock hospitalization.


I went to visit my aunt in 2009 and we did a bunch of drugs together.I was going to live up in woodstock but ended up in the hospital.it was an interesting experience.That’s when I first started to get into spirituality.I remember going into the town and getting the place under my lip pierced.I liked it.and then i was going to get a job in woodstock.

After I got out of the hospital I went back to CT to live with my boyfriend at the time.there were alot of drugs involved.it wasn’t good..

One of my boyfriends friends asked me for xanax once so I gave him a couple bars and then he passed out smoking a cigarette,it was really scary.xanax is no joke

I used to have this relentless buzzing in my head that paralyzed me and I couldn’t talk for years so that’s part of the reason I took drugs.all around the clock,i was taking vicoden Percocet benzodiazepines,Marino,smoking weed,I’m surprised I’m not more fucked up now,or that I’m even alive.

I’m not sure how the buzzing arose but I was involved in a semi sexual massage business and started having symptoms shortly after that.

I was working at the time but barely able to hold down a job .I was working at one source telecom.cold calling.I kind of liked it…

It’s 1:30 pm Friday and I’m in the most exciting place in the world,well one of,and I don’t feel good.but I’m gonna head back to the shelter to do some yoga and excercise.yoga is supposed to be helpful.I’ve been doing it for years.

Now that I think about it,i have been homeless alot but I have stayed with guys I was with so it didn’t feel like i was homeless.the problem

The problem with staying with some guys is that sex is involved.that was the case with one guy.we woukd get high every day,coke roxicet,all sorts of stuff.but we had really good sex

At the time I was on drugs and homeless,i was bartending,making pretty good money,and enjoying myself.at an indian restaurant.the food was really good.they gave us free food,which was shocking cause not all restaurants do.my favorite was the naan

Bread.I really would like yo go out for indian food.I think that’s my favorite food

I met this rocker dude online and he said him and his friend both want to take me out on a date.sounds kind of awkward.

Anyways the drugs really fucked up my mind.but in February I’ll be 2 years sober.




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I’m different

Well my whole entry just got erased like usual,but I was saying I’m different and full of stories

I need to get a skate board again.I used to have one but I don’t have it anymore.it was a really hot one.I’ve been seeing alot of skaters in manhattan.it’s cool to see them.I think the reason I like skaters is cause they’re interesting and some of them have been through alot of pain.I know I have

When I lived in CT,i went to a skate park,i think it was called rampage…hold on I just had a thought.

I like manhattan because it’s very sophisticated and I like the way people look at you.like your important and have value.at least,that’s what’s in my head…but yeah this one time I went to this skate park and there were some teenagers hanging out there and one of them recommended I listen to suicide silence.I think that’s screamo.

I don’t get men

I was just talking to this guy online and he just stopped talking to me.I don’t get guys.maybe he’ll respond later.and then meanwhile,the guys that I’m not interested in are blowing me up!

I’m kind of a skater,rocker girl at heart.I wish I could afford to buy clothes to reflect that.I’d wear plaid shirts and leather black studded jackets,vans,converses,etc etc.

I really went all out window shopping today,everything’s so expensive in stores in midtown,except forever 21.

Tommorow I should have some money cause my mom’s depositing money in my account and so is my step dad.

I wish I could work out my mental health issues,but I am working on getting a therapist to help me with that stuff.

all you need to know about perfumes….

So when your searching for a perfume,there are so many choices,where to even start?you get to sephora or Macy’s or Lord n Taylor,and the sales people eye you like your a piece of meat,lol no they just want to make money and do their job,but do you go in knowing what you want?what’s the special occasion your purchasing for or is there one.

Here are a few of my favorites and recommendations

♡coco chanel-potent but sweet,sensual.good for a date,for work,for the fall and winter..it’s like a blend of vanilla and spices.hard to describe

♡euphoria by calvin Klein-good to wear out with your sweetheart or family.a little to strong for a first date.spicy and warm

♡Pravda candy-this perfume makes you feel young and fruity *(and flirty)it says,”I’m all about having fun”very seductive.

Well I hope you enjoyed my suggestions!♡☆♡☆♡


dentist

Today,i went to the dentist.I was feeling very fearful

But all morning i was feeling fearful of going because i thought i was gonna embarrass myself so i wrote out positive affirmations and did positive self talk

luckily nothing was wrong with me.now im having this anxiety talking to guys and its really bothering me.like when i talk to them i think they think im saying something sexual but im not.i could at least try to have a conversation.the dentist cleaned my teeth and all of this gunk came off when i spit out it felt really good to lose that.i know thats kind of gross but it was cool

Tommorow i should come back to the library and finish my peer counseling essay.i have to ask mom what she thinks about it.

i also need to work on my self esteem.i have not felt pretty without makeup in like a month.i wear eye liner,mascara,and dark red lipstick.now i cant go without it.

stressed

hey word press!

Im at the library,trying to complete my howie the harp essay for peer counseling.It has to be 500 words,and im at 422.I feel like im not doing it exactly right and im distracted.

Im also intending to pick up a book on dieting because right now i weigh 190 or 200 pounds.so i want to slim down because i also want to do some modeling and maybe acting

i was practicing a monologue this morning that was kind of cool.

Use links below to save image.

I just tinted that scene in colorado.looks cool doesn’t it?

so the monologue was cool,it was about nerds.

so what else.i dont know.ill write more later.im gonna also get a murder mystery book i think

Hey WordPress!

Hey wordpress! Things are going pretty well with me,I mean I’ve had a hard morning I didn’t want to go outside because I felt like people would be staring at me or judging me.I feel lonely bc I haven’t talked to my family in a while.because I feel like when I talk to them,they are perceiving me as being romantically interested in them.I read something that said to repeat your fear over and over again until it sounds ridiculous.so do u think I could tell them,it’s kind of ridiculous.I have kind of come out of my funk from this morning.I couldn’t even walk down the street.I have also decided that I need to change my choice of music.I was listening to alot of techno and they talk alot about sexual things,

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