I have been going through delusions and paranoa all day today and its really getting to me. im thinking people can see right through me but i dont neccessarily know if thats true. I have gotten used to being in the hospital.Im not in a rush to get discharged. Its really nice that they let us go on the computers and the internet.its my time to search whatever i want to search.I just looked up radical acceptance basically a concept saying you should accept things and situations in your life even if you dont like them. I think itd be really powerful if i was in a band. i have alot of energy,well somewhere deep inside me i have alot of energy. i think the adderall brought out a side of me thats hard to access now.But it used to give me so much energy and life was so much fun with it. i could do so many things.I wonder what life will be like when i am out of the hospital…I feel like ive been deprived of the foods that i really want to eat.like i definitely want to get a plate from the diner of eggs over easy with bacon and homefries and a glass of orange juice and a coffee.I almost would rather feel this paranoa then just feel plain happy.it keeps me on my feet..I want to go to TGIF fridays and get my brownie desert.that would be really good.I wonder if people not liking me is all in my head.maybe it doesn’t matter.I just have to like myself. Im looking forward to the music group today i should be able to practice my singing.