cause ive been screaming on the inside..

im feeling lonely.and itchy.and theres a void i just cant seem to fill so i just seem to keep eating,and bad foods.

im in new york and im far away from my family.i feel like i cant do much of anything.just like nothing will satisfy me.

i feel like there is noone that can help me.i feel so hopeless! what should i do??? i dont know what to do. things are just so crazy and hectic.

i literally cannot communicate with people its killing me and i dont know why its happening. theres this whole big world out there and i cant seem to be a part of it! its so upsetting man! fuck!!!! my life!!! i want my life back!!! and i want to get out of the shelter,they said id have housing like 3 months ago but i guess i just have to be patient.

mom said she would get me a phone so im gonna hopefully talk to her about it tonight..

apparently i cant even speak to my therapist about whats going on with me

i was visiting my family this weekend and we were sitting and having lunch and then i started having the buzzing in my head and thenn i started feeling really spacy then i started to think that they were thinking i was having sexual thoughts and i thought w were all reading eachothers mind.and lately i have been feeling really infatuated with men.especially men from CT in their business suits and their preppiness,intelligence,wealth and we went into barnes and nobles and i thought everyone knew i was there to manipulate them. then i was on the train…see even when i say the word “train” a thought automatically comes into my mind that im thinking about a sexual train.Is that because i’ve been sexually underactive for so long? anywayss i was on the train and i was sitting next to some handsome well dressed west port couple and i thought that i was gonna have an “episode” reading each others mind thing so i moved away from them. I cant even describe how i feel now. All i know is that im trying to hang on. I can only use the computer for 30 minutes but im gona see if i can stay on for a little bit longer


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