i am so stressed! but i finally got to the library to listen to some music so im happy about that. i waited at the shelter for 3 hours for my case worker today because he said that he wanted to see me but he was late so i really didnt feel like waiting so i just left and came to the library.life is stress ful and im really on edge,i feel overweight and that makes my self esteem go down. i just want to escape some how.but i’ve been clean and sober for over a year now so thats good. supposed to go down to connecticut to see my parents on saturday,im kind of looking forward to that.i feel kind of numb to life right now i dont even feel like writing this.
things at the shelter are okay,i missed lunch today because i didnt want to stick around so i just got a sandwich at the bodega.
my self esteem has been a little low lately.im feeling particularly self conscious about my middle section.someone asked me the other day if i was pregnant. cause of the way i looked.
i’ve been exploring alot lately. all over new york and brooklyn. yesterday i had a therapy appointment and i also met with a psychiatrist.
and men have been on my mind too maybe a little bit too much,and sex,is that a bad thing?i just feel like there are too many things wrong with me for me to talk to guys,like this feeling that i get in my head when i talk,that i’ve had since 2009.and lately i’ve been feeling really numb, like i got the wind knocked out of me or something.
everything usually passes
i am running low on money though, i have about 35 dollars.and a couple of 2 trip metro cards.tommorow i am going to staten island to try to get cash assistance with my case worker so ill have a little bit of money on me.
i also have a thing for cops.men in uniform or something,and they’re so confidant and sexy and some of them are really nice. i had an interaction with one last week,well he was married i think but he was talking to me and being really friendly
so im not really sure what to do today, i think taking a nice long walk would be good. my moods are all over the place constantly changing,which is a good thing.kind of.but now i feel like im not fit to work. i haven’t worked in a while.
so im not sure what to do with all of my time,especially because i dont have money!
anyways i am trying to figure some stuff out.i really would like to go to an AA meeting today but theres really none around.
so what should i do.just walk around.